Dear Brother: a Sister's Guide to Putting the Fun in Funeral

 Plan your own funeral according to the 5'Ws. What's the mood? What's the music playlist? Who will recite the eulogy? Buried or burned? Kept in an urn or scattered? Where?
Balloons? Pizza? Include a few excerpts of the eulogy. (Note: if this is going to be morbid and depressing, best to chose a different topic).

 Dear Brother.

By the time you read this I will be dead. This is how I think it's gonna happen; I'll be dead, and you'll be very much alive, and as one of the living, you will have the privilege to take care of my funeral. I know telling you would ruin the joke but this is an SNL reference. If you did not get the reference, which you probably won't, please do not plan my funeral yourself, but please follow my manual that I kindly wrote down for you in this letter;you're not qualified to plan my funeral. Mess up, and I'll show you myself how it was done in Paranormal Activity.

 I've been waiting for this event my whole life, so my expectations are very high. You'll probably remember how I used to repeatedly tell mother how I refuse to die unless my death involves two Ferrari explosions and an epic car chase, or how I've planned my funeral around the age girls are expected to start planning their dream wedding. My funeral is to be ultimate party celebrating my exit from life. I do understand, as death often accompanies many farewells that take place too soon, that funerals are supposed to be gloomy and sad. But I don't want that. The goal, is to celebrate my departure from this world, not to make people cry. We often say that the way we treat death show how we treat life. For me, life altogether was one giant roller coaster full of ups and downs: the experience may not have been altogether always enjoyable, and at times even terrifying, but generally it was something to be excited about. As you know, all rollercoaster rides must come to an end, no matter what. The whole ride not may have been entirely fantastic, but as you get off, you know you'll remember it for a long time. That's what life is to me, and that's what I hope the others will understand from attending my funeral. Put the fun in funeral, bring on the glitters and the tacky, yet unbelievably addicting 80s remixes. Throw me the best farewell party that you can think of.

 I want my funeral to be held for three days. The first day is supposed to go as what most people expect when they come at a funeral. This is for the people who were on somewhat awkward terms with me, walking the line between an acquaintance and a stranger; think of my middle school teachers and cousins that we only see on Chuseok.  As we do not want to frighten those people away and end up losing out on condolence money, we'll do with the usual black suits and white flowers. Don't put much effort into it, because it's just a cover up. 

 The second day is when all the magic happens. I want my funeral to be one giant mess of neon lights and Vaporwave interiors. I never thought I'd obsess over an Internet meme so much, I came to adore the pastel tones and the strange mismatching images from the 80s. My obsession towards the past, the past that's set so long ago that I had no chance to experience that began with 70s Rock and Roll seems to have found peace with Vaporwave. The strange tingles that I get, that nostalgia is something that I wish to revel in before I find myself in the inevitable endless void that is death. Lay my coffin in front of a screen. Please project music videos that has been rendered by InitialTalk on Youtube. Please be sure to play Dua Lipa's. The fuzzy images, the tacky neon tights and the glitters of the 80s has been my guilty pleasure throughout my life-might as well as revel in it shamelessly as I'm dead.

 About the coffin, I've heard there are some people in Africa who carve coffins not based on conventions but on what the dead loved the most. which means that my coffin will be in the shape of a salmon sushi. But remember, I do not wish to be buried. I've always hated the dark; remember how I used to sleep with the lights on because I was afraid of the dark? Instead, I wish to literally go out with a bang. There is a company that mixes ash with chemicals to create fireworks. They tend to close quite frequently because of all the regulations, so I understand if the fireworks are delayed.

 I would appreciate it the most if people came to my funeral dressed in costumes. Of course, kick them out if they came with Sugar Skulls painted on their face or came dressed as Native Americans or anything that is racist or misogynist. I don't want my party to be trashed by people I spent my whole life avoiding like a plague. Just let the guests know that the more glitter, the better. That will be the dress code for the day.

 As the guests arrive, they will be led to the dance floor. As they eventually settle down, please bring in my coffin while playing "The Seventh Sense" by NCT127. I don't even know whose in NCT127, but I've always been fond of that line "It's a long ass ride". Just think of those tacky underground clubs that I showed you, the ones that only plays weird K-pop songs and about 80 percent of the people there are Queer. After the guests had their portion of Hawaiian Pizza(no matter what people say, even Gordon Ramsay, Hawaiian Pizzas are the best.) and got drunk enough to properly settle, down remember me by showing projecting photos of me on the screen. Please as you do, use my selfies only, not the ugly family photos that we were forced to take as children. All my photo selections should shout YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE DATED ME at their face. After that, get on with the eulogies please. I want the first one to be done by my friend Song. I'm sure her eulogy will be very thoughtful and probably the sanest thing you'll heat that day. After that, the eulogies will be impromptu. Of course the guests could prepare beforehand, but genius often comes at those sparks of inspirational moments. Notify the guests that there will be a brief eulogy contest. Whoever gives the most emotionally scarring eulogy will get my coffin, and whoever gives the most entertaining eulogy, as voted by other funeral attendees will get three percent of the condolence money. Any genre is acceptable, but K-pop erotica is highly encouraged. After that, as I am a shameless cinefile, the guests will be forced to watch "Velvet Goldmine", "HAUSU", and various movies. Just go on my IMDB list and pick out the ones I've given 8 to 9 ratings. Let them have their fun, and kick them out if they try to stay past 2 in the morning. You'll need a good night's sleep for the last day.

 For the last day, it will be just you and me, and maybe other family members who actually loved me more than I thought. I know it's pretty useless as by the time I will be rendered to a decaying corpse incapable of feeling any sensations, but please read me books. Books I've enjoyed in my life such as Clockwork Orange, would be great. Again, check my bookshelf for that. If you're too tired, just use the audiobooks. That last day will be quieter and calmer. It'll be wrap up time, real cozy and comfortable. So again, bring a good book, kittens, and good music. Say whatever you want to tell me, get it all out of your system because this is really good bye. It can even be on how I did not repay you that 50 dollars I borrowed under the pretense of buying mom's birthday gift.

 You might think I'm just being silly, but I really do mean it. This sort of funeral might sound strange and impossible, but I've been waiting for this moment, literally, all my life. Because often, how we treat death shows how we treat the lives we lead as human beings. The end is just as important as the beginning and the middle is. This funeral is my last moment to show who I really am to the people I love. I don't want people to mope around at my funeral. Of course it would be sad to let me go and whatnot, but it's not like their gonna live forever. Sooner or later we're gonna all end up dead. It's just that I'll be there sooner than some. So moping around is greatly discouraged at my funeral. Have fun, enjoy whatever you can. I may be dead now, but I will make you feel alive as if you've never lived before this funeral. Don't stifle your emotions either, but don't be swallowed up by grief either. Life is too short for that.


Love, Seoyoon



P.S I attached a playlist of what to play on the second day so you won't need to spend extra money on the DJ.

P.P.S I want one person to attend my funeral as the grim reaper and not say anything, but just stand there.



Playlist

For the memes:

Lady Gaga - The Cure [Initial Talk NRS 80s Remix] @initialtalk

Dua Lipa- New Rules Initial Talk NRS 80s Remix] @initialtalk

Demi Lovato- Cool for the Summer [Initial Talk NRS 80s Remix] @initialtalk

Rihanna- This is What you came for [Initial Talk NRS 80s Remix] @initialtalk

TANUKI - BABYBABYの夢

MACINTOSH PLUS - リサフランク420 / 現代のコンピュー

Anri - Remember Summer Days (マクロスMACROSS 82-99 Bootleg)

 You may include other priceless classics such as Take on me, Video Killed the Radio Star and so on. I don't care if it's tacky. I live for their tackiness. 

For myself:

All of David Bowie's album STATION

David Bowie-My Death

David Bowie-Starman

David Bowie-Life on Mars 

The Rolling Stones- Beast of Burden

The Chainsmokers-Closer

Nine Inch Nails-Closer 

David Bowie-Boys keep Swinging

David Bowie-Oh you Pretty Things

David Bowie-Rock 'n' Roll Suicide

and my spotify playlist of Oasis 

P.P.P.S Last but not least, please don't forget to play Stairway to Heaven as the guests are leaving.